Big Ideas about Small Groups

Jesus' Unanswered Prayer

David Herrick | NewThing Leadership Resident

I was reading a book by Philip Yancey entitled Prayer.  In one section of the book, he discussed an interesting idea: Jesus not only prayed to the Father as we do, but like us, some of his prayers have gone "unanswered".  One example, according to Yancey, was a prayer with regard to the unity of believers.

Jesus said, "I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Faither, just as you are in me and I am in you.  May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.  I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me." (John 17:20-22)

Even a cursory scan of the history of the church would remind us that this is one prayer of Jesus' that has not always been answered over the years.  Conservative estimates indicate that there are around 33,000 denominations worldwide.  But let's be real.  Jesus' prayer is a tall order, isn't it?!?  He says "I don't want you to simply 'get along.'  I want you to experience the kind of community that I have in the eternal trinitarian union between myself, the Father, and the Holy Spirit."  That's setting the bar for community pretty high!

Do you think it's possible that Jesus' prayer could be answered?  What would that look like?  I'm not sure what the final product would resemble, but perhaps this is the type of commuhnity that could find it's beginnings in small groups.  Maybe it begins with a few people, experiencing life-change together, mutually edifying each other, loving each other, and unswervingly pursuing God's mission.  Is this the kind of community Jesus prayed for?  I think we can answer a hearty "Amen!"

Belong before Believing??

Steve Kerby | Montgomery Apprentice Small Groups Director

Joseph Myers in his book, The Search to Belong (thanks Carter Moss for this book!) quotes the following words from Len Sweet and Brian McLaren:

"Postmodern persons wish to 'belong before they believe.'"

Made me stop reading, put down the book and think a little - actually a lot!  Is this true?  Do people actually "belong before they believe?"  Does this explain growth in gangs and cults?  How does the church fit in?

Then I thought of Jesus calling His disciples to follow Him.  Is this belonging before believing?  Seems they questioned often following their "invite to belong" who Jesus was.  They didn't seem to have it all figured out at the beginning.  They just "belonged".  Jesus then took them along for the ride and intentionally taught and modeled the Kingdom to them.  Maybe we would say the goal was to take them from "belonging" to "believing".

How does the church and small groups fit into this?  I'm wrestling and praying about this one.  We'll see where I end up!  At the very least there definitely needs to be some intentionality in our asking people to come alongside and "belong" and helping them to "believe".  I'll get back to you later on this!!

Lots Going On...

Eric Metcalf | NewThing Small Groups Champion

I'm not sure how you're feeling right now, but I am so busy this summer!  Going from meeting to meeting to meeting to...well you get the picture.  Sometimes I just want to unroll the Slip N' Slide and go play in the back yard with my kids.  But at the same time, I'm loving what I do!  Check out some of things that are happening:

• The story of Beth Kolar's small group (Six Degrees of Small Group)
• This article that is in the same veign as my question: does small group coaching really work?
• Part 2 of the Big Idea Discussion Guide, Things I Wish Jesus Never Said, is now available for FREE!
• From our retreat we came up with a rough draft of our Key Objectives (KO's) for the 07-08 CCC Adult Ministry year: 70% of our groups have apprentices, 2400 adults connected (net gain 643), determine how to measure health beyond numbers (do our small groups love Jesus?), coaching (what's next?), how do we intergrate "serving" into our small groups, and are small groups the only way to be connected?  I am so pumped about working on these KO's and more over the next year!
• And a pic from the retreat I can't explain:

Solitary Confinement

Caren Fog | NewThing Leadership Resident

In our prison system we reserve solitary confinement for the worst of prisoners - those who are perceived as being extremely dangerous or who have committed a crime deserving of the harshest punishment.  For those of us who haven't experienced it first hand, movies like The Shawshank Redemption or novels like Dumas' Count of Monte Cristo depict the damaging effects of solitary confinement.  As humans we were created by God to be in community, to know and be known, to love and be loved.  Even God is a community of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

It simply isn't good for us to live our lives alone, but when other fail to respond to us the way we hope, we begin to live our lives in self-induced solitary confinement.  We step into the cell of shame, pity, anger, or pride and slame the door.  We ignore people before they can ignore us; we reject people before they can reject us.  Yet deep down all of us long to be loved unconditionally.

Only God can love us so utterly and completely; people will inevitably disappoint us.  But as Christ-followers we are learning to love the way God loves, to be a community that provides support and encouragement through the bad times and a place to celebrate life's joys and triumphs.

Small Groups play a huge role in connecting people with each other, creating the community we all need.  As small group leaders, we help create a hospitable space where people can realize they don't have to live their lives in solitary confinement.  They can unlock the door, step out and take a risk.  Being a Christ-follower is a totally new way of living, not just a religion.  So let's get people connected!

Acrostic or Acronym...one spells a word and the other doesn't.

Steve Kerby | Apprentice Montgomery Small Groups Director

AAFES, AB, ABCCC, ABL, ABM, ABO, A/C, ACC, ACCS, AD ADMIN, ADR, ADVON, AE, AETC.  Recognize these acronyms?  Some of you might, but I'm sure most of you don't!  I'm a salesman for Ecolab and these are just a few off the "A" list we deal with when in conversation with the Air Force.  I've got the non-exhaustive list on my desk if you'd like to take a look!  Other acronyms you are not doubt more familiar with because we use them on an almost daily basis: USPS, UPS, MLB, NFL, CCC, etc.

I've gotten one more for your consideration.  The "neighborhood group" that I am privileged to lead uses the following acronym:  MTAM.  The subject line of our email communications says MTAM.  We discuss it from time to time during our group:  MTAM.  We remind each other of it outside of group:  MTAM.  Any ideas?  Maybe we can get Eric to cough up some kind of prize to the first one to respond with the correct answer (I'm thinking Cold Stone Creamery gift card would be nice!).  Guess I'm going to spoil the contest by giving you the answer.  We use it to describe what we are all about:  More Than A Meeting.

In their book, Walking the Small Group Tightrope Bill Donahue and Russ Robinson describe our MTAM well.  It's a group that balances Truth and Life, Care and Discipleship, Friendship and Accountability, Kindness and Confrontation, Task and People and finally Openess and Intimacy.  It's MTAM! 

Thought about it lately?  Is your group MTAM?

Will WE Be a Valentine?

Beth Kolar | Yorkville Small Groups

Legend has it that Valentine was a priest in third century Rome and that Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage for young men (future soldiers for his army!) because single men supposedly made better soldiers. Then, Valentine defied Claudius and married lovers in secret. Claudius ordered him put to death.

It is said that Valentine sent the first 'valentine' greeting himself. He fell in love with a girl (while he was in prison… his jailor's daughter?)  Before his death, they say he wrote her a letter, which he signed 'From your Valentine,'

Now, how much of that is true?  I don’t know.  But I like a hero.  It’s always cool when someone stands up for what is right.  I also love “grass roots” movements…and Valentine’s Day certainly has taken off!  So in the spirit of Valentine’s Day I want to talk about being a hero and connecting people   - even if it’s unpopular or we are unsure of how to “get the job done”.

This story intrigued me in a couple of ways:  First was the bad ruler, with the very bad idea!  Let’s not forget that we live on Earth, not in Heaven.  (I didn’t really need to remind you of that, did I!?) But the Bible tells us that the prince of this world is Satan—and he’s the worst ruler of all.  He has tons of bad ideas and he is the ultimate bad ruler (Eph 6:11-12).  Satan wants us to be isolated, because he understands that as the BODY of Christ we are dangerous to him.  I think he understands that if he can “outlaw” community…he will have people more ready to serve him, or at least less ready to serve God….and as a bonus, he’ll perpetuate misery through selfishness, loneliness and regret. 

Second was the way Valentine just stepped up and made stuff happen.  It took a while (and Hallmark!) to really get the grass roots movement going.  It got him into some trouble.  He may have died from it.  But we all die, someday.  I wonder, will we be remembered, by our peers at least, as someone willing to step through our fears, our doubts, our insecurities just to connect the BODY of Christ?

Who are you inviting to Small Group this week?

It's Cold for a Reason

Tony Escobar | Pilsen Small Groups

Recently I was sitting in my office and I couldn’t understand why it’s so cold.  I know that it’s the middle of winter, and it’s 25 degrees outside, so maybe our heat is turned down.  So I walked over to the thermostat and noticed that it said 67 degrees.  “Hmm,” I thought, “It feels colder than that.”  But then I noticed that the thermostat was set to Cool and not Heat.  The air conditioning was running.  I knew who did it.  It was my campus pastor, Eli.  He likes a little chill.  But come on, air conditioning in January?  He’s not well.  He might as well be a cold-blooded villain.

I recently read a book by David Murrow called, “Why Men Hate Going to Church.”  He has an intriguing perspective.  He says that the reason why men don’t go to church is not the fault of the men or their families necessarily; it’s the fault of the church.  He suggests that the “thermostats” of most churches are set such that most men feel uncomfortable being there, that thermostats are set more to accommodate women than men.  He observes that the language we use in our worship songs, the types of ministry opportunities that we promote, the way we describe what it means to be a Christian, etc. are more appealing to a feminine perspective.  So there’s a reason, he says, that men don’t like coming to church—the temperature doesn’t feel right for them.

This begs the question about our small group experience.  We may often refer to small groups as a safe place to connect with others.  In them, we build intimacy and trust by sitting and sharing in discussion.  And we attend groups in order to develop a better relationship with a man named Jesus.  Does a men’s small group look any different?  Not usually.  How is our thermostat set? Are our small groups a place where men feel comfortable?

Top 10 Worst Ways to Start a Conversation

Carter Moss | Montgomery Small Groups

Here are the top 10 worst lines to start a conversation or share a prayer request, especially in small group.

10)    “Where do you get off saying…?”

9)  “Not to gossip, but…”

8)  “I mean no disrespect to you, but…”

7)  “I know we just ate, but I gotta share this story…”

6)  “I’m not trying to justify my sin, but…”

5)  “I’m not saying I’m above anyone else, but…”

4)  “I mean, I do love my wife, but…”

3)  “I know God is probably against it, but…”

2)  “I’m not a racist, but…”

1)       “I got nothing against CCC or Dave, but…”

Ever been hit by one of these?  Ever been the one to say them (go repent now)?  Don’t you just dread whatever is going to follow?

Heard any others?

Small Group Dirt ala Mark 2:3

Beth Kolar | Yorkville Small Groups

In Mark 2: 1-3 we read about how friends tried getting their paralyzed friend (laying on his mat) up the stairs to the roof of the house Jesus was at…they actually dug through the roof to lower him down so he could meet Jesus.  It’s very inspiring and heroic, but here is what I wonder…

I wonder what it was like in the living room below and it was so crowded there wasn’t even room outside the house – so I doubt there were enough treats for everyone.  It was probably a bit of a sacrifice to be there.  People had other things to tend to…but this was an opportunity of a life time!  It was likely hard to hear.  I can just imagine myself straining to hear.  And then on top of all that…it starts.  A stamping on the roof… muffled voices… scuffling… and little pieces of dirt falling on my head!  Talk about irritating! 

So let’s talk about the ‘dirt’ in small groups. We all know the rush of helping someone…digging through the dirt for our ‘paralyzed’ friend, lowering them down, helping them meet Jesus.  We like that stuff.  Having a mission and a purpose with a direct end result, changing a life through Christ – that is awesome.

But, to be honest, I would NOT have been a good small group participant that day.  I would have been irritated.  I would have wondered why someone didn’t take care of that noise on the roof, thought about dirt falling around me and the interruption of my time, my moment.  I would have been more than slightly irritated. I would have been a bad small group participant that day, in my head and in my heart.  I wouldn’t have said anything, you wouldn’t have been able to tell.  But Jesus would.

Here’s the deal though.  How guilty would I have felt when the man was healed?  How completely robbed of the joy in that moment by my selfish irritation?    We find ourselves in this situation every week in small group.  We get mad at the ‘dirt’ that others drop on us as they dig their friends a hole in the roof.  (Kids running around, prayer requests that take ‘hours’ to tell, people making the same mistakes over and over -no matter how many times we pray about it,- waiting for others to get what we got right away, not getting ‘fed’ as we wait for others to get their needs met first…) The list can be pretty long! We are irritated and judgmental about the fall-out as people are lowered down in-between us and Jesus. 

My prayer today is “God, make me a lover of community.  I want to crave interruptions and ‘dirt dropping on my head’.  I want to recognize the ‘stair climbing and roof-hole digging’ irritations as precursors to miracles.  I want to jump in.  I want to love others and put their needs above my own. I want to see lives changed through relationship with You.”

We all need community, but do we want it?

Eric Metcalf | Naperville Small Groups Director

“We are made for each other.  Yet making relationships work, let alone making them flourish is often remarkably difficult.  We all know that we belong in communities, that we were made to be social creatures.  Yet there are many times when we are tempted to slam the door and stomp off into the night by ourselves.”

-N.T. Wright, Simply Christian

I have a confession to make and I think I’m ready to admit it, so here goes – people drain me.  Not because I don’t like people – I just think sometimes I get tired of being around people.  I’m not sure what causes this for me, I just know it exists.  Sometimes it's the way someone tells their story to me, the way someone crosses their eyes at me, swears at me, misunderstands me or just plain laughs at me – for whatever reason, people sometimes drain me.  On the flip side of that, I long for significant relationships – real connection.  I want people in my life with which I can laugh, play a sport, go to a movie, or drink a cup of coffee with.  I need people – not just for the parties and fun times, but for the unpredictable times.  It could be the loss of a spouse, cancer, bankruptcy, depression and anything else that scares me to do alone – I need help, I need community – we all do.  But do I want it?  Do I pursue it?  God says we're incomplete without it - do you believe that?  I think I'm coming to grips with this idea, how are you coming along with it?

"It is not good for man to be alone."

- God, (Gen. 2:18)